I mentioned a while back that I'd opened up an HSBC checking account because I hate Chase with a hate that burns undying. Today I was finally able to confirm that the last pending charge I was waiting for had hit my old account, so I went over to a Chase branch to close it.
I'd expected them to give me a hard time, but I really wasn't prepared for the AOL-esque experience that awaited me. Upon telling a customer service person that I was there to close my checking account, the branch manager herself was summoned to "discuss my concerns." She was probably about eight feet tall and sounded like Darth Vader when she spoke. Her goal, of course, was to talk me out of it - but why she thought hostile badgering was the way to accomplish this is beyond me. (Why was I leaving Chase? What bank was I leaving for? HSBC is a terrible bank! Do they offer X, Y, and Z? Well, Chase does! Where do I work? There's a Chase branch closer to that address than the nearest HSBC branch!) Look, lady, I already don't like your bank, thanks to seven years of shitty customer service experiences and unnecessary fees, and you think the way to get me to stay is by yelling at me?
In the end she resorted to trying to argue that my reasons for closing the account were not good enough and that I would only be disappointed if I left for HSBC. I explained that I'd actually already switched to HSBC, and that I wasn't really interested in her opinion of my reasons and that I'd like my money, please. Finally, she literally threw my bank card in disgust and sent me to a teller for a check. Does this strategy ever work, I wonder? Do people ever say, "Gosh, she's really upset! I'd better not close my account so she'll be my friend."
